I’m not a junkie

What does this picture make you think? No, I’m not a junkie!

I'm NOT a junkie

This means a new hiking season.

Ha, thanks for thinking that!

It means I’m getting ready for another season of hiking. I live in one of the most amazing areas for hiking. You name it, we got it. River hikes, wildflowers, alpine, easy strolls, long strenuous butt kickers, beach and ocean hikes; it is all within a day’s drive or less. Mostly I do day hikes of somewhere around 5 to 10 miles. Start with the easier lowland river stuff and work up on so when the snows melt my partner and I are ready to go do some high, longer and harder hikes.

But I am a tender foot! Hence the tape to try to prevent blisters and then the syringe is used to drain them without breaking them when I do get them. Then I retape my feet to keep the skin tight while they heal. It actually works really well.

Yeah, I know some people are saying it means I don’t have the right shoe/sock combo for hiking. Oh kiss my ass! I have spent lots of time and money figuring it out. The fact is I have really sweet soft baby feet. (No. I’m not posting a picture of my feet for you weird foot fetish people)  I have good fitting hiking shoes,  really nice wool socks, and synthetic sock liners~ I can’t even tell you how much money I went through to find the best combo. It burns my ass to pay $20+ for a pair of socks! A pair of frickin socks! And until I found the right ones it was like burning money.

So a fresh 4 pack of athletic tape and a couple of insulin syringes means let the fun begin! The ibuprofen is just a given, I don’t do anything in a small way!

I hike with one other person, we are a good team but it is funny to see us together, I’m 5’1″ and he is 6’3″. We look like Mutt and Jeff. He wears neutral colors and I prefer the Sesame Street threw up look. I like to remind him that if we ever need to be rescued they will find us because I practically glow!

Oh and if you see any really good photos on this blog it is because of him. He is one of those photography nuts. I just whip out my cheap point and shoot and aim it in the general direction. Look pretty waterfall,  look pretty flower, yeah let’s go. I’m more likely to be taking pictures of my shoes (shoes are cool!) or the disgusting outhouses at the trail head. I am constantly bouncing around glaring at him because he is taking forever to get some shot.

pretty flower

See pretty flower.

Disgusting outhouse @ Dosewallips

Disgusting outhouse!

Lip gloss

Do not apply lip gloss right before your haircut!

I once saw a woman applying thick lip gloss while waiting for her stylist to start cutting her hair. She stood there in front of the mirror very  slowly and carefully putting on a thick dark red layer of lip gloss. She made a production out of it. I just watched, saying nothing. This woman was a crazy bitch and more than once snarled or snapped at me. I just watched and smiled.

Forty minutes later I was rewarded. As her bangs were being trimmed it was like every hair was a metal shaving and her lips were magnetized! She looked like a three year old that had eaten something sticky and then snuggled with the kitty. Her lips were covered with a thick layer of short dark hair. The look of disgust on her face as she tried to wipe them off was delicious. Of course this smeared the bright red gloss and made her look more like a cheap prostitute than a elegantly coiffed lady.

She saw me in the mirror watching her and shot me a look of pure viciousness. I smiled a little and said “Well, I guess putting on lip gloss right before you get a haircut isn’t a very good idea.”

Change

I want a change

Client with long, one length, hair to her collar bone,  sits in the chair and says “I want a change. I want to do something different.”

“OK. How about we we bring it up to your shoulders. It will swing, have more movement and still be easy for you to do?” Me

“No I don’t want it to be any shorter.” Client

“OK, then what about some layers to give it some texture and movement?” Me

“No. I don’t want any layers” Client

“Bangs, we could cut in some bangs.” Me

“No. No bangs.” Client

“OK, we’re not changing your haircut. So color? Maybe a few highlights, something subtle so you don’t have the commitment of regular maintenance.” Me

“No I don’t want to color it.” Client

“All right. You don’t want to change your haircut and you don’t want color. That leaves perming.” Me

“No. I’m don’t want to perm my hair.” Client

???!!! Me

“SO ~ You want a change?” Me

“Yes.” Client

“But you don’t want to cut it, color it or perm it?” Me

“Yes.” Client

*sigh* flat deadpan monotone “Then put it up in a ponytail.” Me

Yes this is an actual conversation I had once with a client. But variations of this discussion happen all the time. Hair stylists can only do so much, we can can’t change your life. If you want a change you actually have to be willing and ready to change!

How do you forget to wear pants???

Have you ever left the house without your pants?

A regular weekly client of my boss came into the shop one day and I thought she looked a little off. But being a bit off was pretty much a regular thing for Bree. She was an older woman and a classic Drama Queen. If there wasn’t something wrong then well she was “stressed” because of course there was something wrong she just didn’t know what it was yet and that was stressing. *sigh* This type of client is not uncommon for some stylists to have. Closely related to the Emotional Vampire client.

Bree was at one time a fairly stylish woman, at one time is the key. She was quite thin, had bright copper hair in an extreme asymmetrical cut. She always wore black après pants (think leggings only heavier) , black boots with a low square heel and a long, heavy, knobby knit, cowl neck sweater in a primary color (the late  80’s were enshrined in her closet). One day Bree entered the salon and I glanced at her and thought something is wrong, she just doesn’t look right. I quickly averted my gaze because to strike up a conversation with her usually meant you would be trapped in a 2o minute discussion of what was wrong or could be wrong or was going to go wrong soon.

She sat with my boss had her hair done, conversing the entire time about how horrible things were and of course nothing suggested would improve things. And this was the almost the exact conversation from the week before and the week previous, etc. etc. It isn’t like Bree would actually do anything different to change things and it wasn’t anything she did, it was always someone else’s fault, naturally. So yeah nothing I really paid much attention to, I had heard it every week for years.

Bree always used the bathroom after her appointment, but this time there was something new. Bree came to the door, opened it a crack and whispered/screeched out my boss’s name. WHF? She would not come out. Just her head was poking out and she was more and more frantically repeating boss’s name. So boss went in to the bathroom and a low agitated conversation could be heard. Boss comes out, goes to our back room, gets her long leather trench coat, returns to the bathroom and finally Bree emerges wearing my boss’s coat. Huh?

Now it Bree is sitting in the reception area wearing my boss’s coat and writing out her check. I kid you not it would always take Bree ten minutes to write a check. Seriously. She never had it prewritten and it took ten damn minutes for her to write it. (I never got behind her if I saw her checking out at the grocery store.) Curiosity got the better of me. I sat next to her and said “OK what the hell is going on?” She made have to promise not to laugh. And then she said “I forgot to wear  my pants.” I’m like “What? I saw you come in, what are you wearing?” She said “I put on tights, but then I must have forgotten put my pants on over them before I left the house.”  “Oh my god. Your wearing tights, no underwear, and a sweater that barely reaches you hips and you parked how far away and walked here?” I asked. “Two blocks.”

That’s it, I began to lose it. Soon I was laughing so hard tears were beginning to flow. I could barely choke out the words “I thought those pants were looking a bit worn.” Now I was laughing so hysterically I couldn’t catch my breath. The idea of a seventy year old woman walking through town half-naked in boots and a sweater that didn’t cover her skinny ass had me in stitches. Bree was glaring at me. “It’s NOT FUNNY!” She screeched. I just kept laughing, finally I was able to control myself and looked at her and said “Think about it Bree if it wasn’t you and you saw this wouldn’t it be funny?” She glared at me but after a minute her look softened and a slight smile came to her face. “Maybe” she admitted.

She returned my boss’s coat the next week. She shot me a look and said “Don’t say anything.” I laughed and replied “I got nothing to say, as long as you’re wearing pants today!” And from then on when she would really start in on about  how awful her life was I would remind her it could be worse, she could have no pants.

Oh joy my ex-husband is on Facebook ~yes I was married

So my ex as in ex-husband sent me a friend request on Facebook. Wow, I haven’t seen or talked to him in 25 years. (By the way if he reads this ~ You owe me money.You never paid me for your half of the cost of filing.)

I have no reason to have talked to him. We married young and quickly divorced. By friend requesting me and having open privacy settings I was able to see everything he posted. His mother has 2o cat profile pages, like one for each of her cats?!

He looks pretty good. But then he always did. But do I want to talk to him? I haven’t felt the desire to look him up in the last 25 years, not sure I why I’d want to start now. Hell I know I didn’t want to talk to him. We were young and divorced quickly but it wasn’t pretty, might have been that youth thing. So I did the passive aggressive thing and ignored his friend request. I would occasionally check to see if it was still there and maybe look at his page to see if he had added any new photos. I knew he kept tabs on me because he would sometimes repost something I had shared publicly.

He was listed as in a relationship with some one. (I look better than her, yeah I said that) After a few months his status changed to married and so did his girlfriend’s name. Almost immediately he rescinded his friend request. I’m guessing  she didn’t like the idea that we now shared the same last name.

Yes, I kept his name. It isn’t a really common name like my maiden name was. And it pissed him off at the time of the divorce. Hey, I said it wasn’t a nice one. I even told him at the time that I would keep the name even if I remarried. He was refusing to sign the paperwork, but I was paying for it. So I said fine, don’t sign we’ll stay married, your choice.

I kept the name.I like it but I’m pretty sure that is how he found me on FB.

Most people are shocked to find out I was ever married. I figure done that, been there, got the name to prove it, and don’t need to do it again. But if I do I’m keeping my name!