I know why bikers shave

I always wondered by bicyclists shaved.

I heard it was if you got road rash the hairs wouldn’t get all stuck in the scabs. Ehwww, gross. I had also been told it was to cut down on wind drag, yeah right maybe it you are in the Olympics. So why is my girlfriend’s husband shaving? I always thought he was a closet drag queen.

Well now I know and I know I need to shave.

I finally broke down and got some of those shiny black bike tights.

Pearl Izumi shiny tights

All right everyone can quit snickering now. No I did not buy the ones with the chamois butt pad. I have been working my ass off, literally, so why would I then go buy a stupid pair of pants that make my ass look big? Or like I’m wearing a diaper?

I bought the pants because they are tight around the ankles so I don’t have to worry about catching my pants in the chain or have to remember to have one of those velcro things to wrap around my ankle.

And so I learned why bicyclist shave. Those pants have zippers on the bottom so you can get your big foot through them without falling over. Well that means you have to zip them down your leg. If you have long hair it catches it and rips it out. That shit hurts! DAMN.

Yes my leg hair is was that long. I’m single, screw it I’m not shaving.

So now that I shaved I dang well better get a date. I mean I really am looking high class now. I stand out when I go to the Co-op grocery store, all those hippie women are giving me the stink eye. Or it could be because I wax my stache off, wear makeup and deodorant!! Actually I’m surprised they even let me in the Co-op come to think of it.

image from fanpop.com

No it isn’t all right.

When I tell you it is OK that you just cancelled your appointment at the last minute, I’m lying.

Really. What is going through my mind is “Great can I find someone to come in at the last minute? Will I be able to pay my electric bill this week? I wish I could reach through the phone lines and hit you with a two by four~HARD. You couldn’t have called and told me this yesterday or better yet the day before? I already told two people I didn’t have any appointments this afternoon. If only I had known I could have filled this spot! Now what am I  going to do for an hour in the middle of the day. If I had known sooner I could have at least moved up my other appointment and gotten out of here early and got a work out in. Wonderful I’m going to be here for nine hours today but only get paid for eight. Thanks, thanks a lot.

Yes this is what is going through your hairdresser (masseuse, facialist, personal trainer, chiropractor, dental technician) mind when you cancel at the last minute.

I ask for 24 hours notice if you need to move or cancel an appointment and this is why. 48 hours is even better.

Time is money. My time, my money!

How would you feel if you came to work and at 11 your boss said we aren’t going to pay you for the next two hours. You don’t have to do anything, but we aren’t paying  you. Oh and you have to be back at 1 because we want you to work then until your shift is done. That is what it is like when a client cancels.

Now you think it is better that you reschedule for next week? That makes it all good? Nooooo it doesn’t. That means I am not getting paid for today and that appointment next week is time that I could have been doing someone else. So I am still out money. Yes it is slightly better but what it means is I am working on you for half price.

It is like your boss telling you that that work you didn’t do for the two hours that they didn’t pay you for still has to be done next week along with all the other things you do and you aren’t getting overtime, but you still have to get the work done.

Do I charge for people cancelling at the last minute? Sometimes, it is my policy to if I get less than 24 hours, but rarely do I enforce it. I always give people at least one chance and I remind them of my cancellation policy. And it is posted in my shop.

Now that you think I am being a total bitch, you should know I do understand that real emergencies come up at the last minute. People get sick, cars break down, the kids are ill, you get called into work at the last minute.Those I get and I let it go.

I forgot and went shopping? Yes, I have heard that. I scheduled a dentist appointment for then, really when did you do that? Why didn’t you call me then and move your appointment? Did you not look at your calendar and see that you already had an appointment with me? These I am not so forgiving about.

Yes things happen. I get it. But if you tell me you are going to make it up to me and pay me for it, then do it. Don’t make me ask/remind you the next time you come in. It is demeaning. Otherwise don’t offer to in the first place. You screwed up, you make it right. I have forgotten an appointment with my masseuse, and I paid her for it. She still has to pay for daycare whether I was there or not. It was my mistake and it is my responsibility to make it right.

Like I said I do understand things happen, but if it happens all the time then maybe you have a time management problem or something. You just might be an egotistical bitch. You might find that I am suddenly unable to get you into that coveted evening spot or that I don’t have time to squeeze you in in the next ten days. Yeah I know you really need to get your hair done but I’m not really inclined to go out of my way for someone that just made my life difficult.

And some clients seem to make a regular habit of this. Suddenly it becomes really difficult to get in to see me. Even after having explained my policy to those clients, they still routinely reschedule at the last minute. They don’t offer to pay, and make me remind them that they owe for the appointment. The really sneaky ones call almost exactly 24 hours before to change their appointment.

I fire them.

Yes, I have told people that I will no longer do them. It takes a lot to get me to do this but it has happened. When I start to dread seeing your name on my books and I know it is going to be a hassle and cost me money I eventually figure the energy/stress just isn’t worth it.

I am short, get over it.

I am (almost) the shortest one in my family.

I take after my grandmothers, both of them were short. And they both married tall men, but my ex-husband is for another post.

Being short never bothered me. It is just the way I am. But most of the women in my family are at least average in height. The kid that came to stay with my this weekend is just plain tall. She is thirteen and 5 foot 6 inches already.

But my grandmother and her sister were short, and got even shorter as they aged. So by the time I was twenty-five they had shrunk enough that I was technically not the shortest one in my family.

A few years ago my mother called and said “You know your now the shortest one in the family. The kid is taller than you now.”

I said “Yeah? So what? Saw that coming as she was almost as tall as me when she was ten. Not a big surprise mom.”

“Well, I just thought you should know that.” she told me.

Didn’t bother me, I knew I was short, nothing has changed. But then I got to thinking about this. What the hell, had great-aunt Donna died? Did someone forget to tell me this. Not an impossible thing in my family, we aren’t all that great at keeping in touch.

So I called my mother back and asked “Did you forget to tell me that Aunt Donna died?” “No.” she replied. “Well then I’m not the shortest one in the family. What she doesn’t count?” I retorted.

She started laughing and said “So it does bother you that you are the shortest one in the family!”

“Hell no, I don’t care. It bothered me that I thought great-aunt Donna was dead and you forgot to tell me! It isn’t like you tell remember to tell me these things.” I told her.

Seriously my family is really good at leaving out important (or at least really interesting), relevant facts. I spent my whole life being told in an off hand way that grandpa #1 died after my Aunt Kitkat got married. What does that mean to you? I know what it meant to me.

I was in my thirties before someone let it slip that grandpa #1 died the day after his eldest daughter got married. In a hotel, with out his pants on, and it wasn’t grandma that called 911. You think someone might have mentioned some of this before.

So I’m short. My family is weird. And great-aunt Donna is still alive, I think.

Violating the no kids rule

So I will be taking care (?) of a 13 year old girl this weekend.

How the hell did that happen? And who would be crazy enough to entrust me with their kid? Well you’d think someone that knew me would not want me watching their kid but hey some people are desperate.

The last time I spent any time with a kid was over ten years ago and the supreme Ms. S was and still is a pretty special kid. I didn’t get us arrested. You were not supposed to tell your mother about that!

So this should be an interesting weekend. Luckily for my cousin, yeah it is her kid, Magic Mike is not playing in the local theaters. Because yes, I would take a thirteen year old to a movie about male strippers! So I am out of ideas, what does one do with a kid? I mean after I get done making her wash the truck, that leaves a lot of time.

appropriate movie for kids. I’m not sitting through another Pixar flick!

So any ideas? The stripper thing is out. What the heck do kids like to do? I know what I did at that age but that isn’t going to happen.