DEET tastes like shit

DEET ~ you know mosquito repellent. Yep I’m going to talk about bug spray so you can probably just leave now.

Nasty blood suckers. Kill them all!

Anyways the stuff is awful but it works. Well it works better than anything else in actually repelling mosquitoes. And it tastes like shit, I’ll explain that in a minute but first let me say, I don’t want to hear about all the “natural” stuff that works. It does not work. No.

You can try all the citronella, tea tree, Avon creams you want. The mosquitoes just consider those to be appetizers as they suck the blood out of you anyways. Good luck with that. I have tried them all. I’m the person at the party that the mosquitoes eat alive while not bothering anyone else. They love me, they are probably the only ones that think I am sweet.

I know what DEET tastes like because when I was a kid in Alaska I wanted to play outside. Imagine that!

Have you ever seen the mosquito swarms in Alaska? They literally form dark, buzzing clouds that can eat you alive. My mother, who always seemed to welcome her kids going outside actually sometimes she would shove us out the door and slam it shut behind us, would have to cover us in DEET. She would rub it everywhere, in our ears,  in our hair, we looked like little 50’s greasers, between our fingers, everywhere. If you missed a spot you would have half a dozen bites on that area. When she got done covering our skin and that included our lips and eyelids, she would then spray our clothing with DEET too. And still we would get bit!

It was unbelievable how bad the mosquitoes were in the spring. By the way I don’t suggest visiting Alaska in the spring. I have watched a mosquito bite me through my jeans. I am also one of those people that have a big reaction to mosquito bites. They last about a week to ten days of itching and then another week to heal from the scab I got from scratching. I have been known to scratch myself bloody in my sleep. My mom used to tape gloves on my hands at night when I was badly bitten. Have you ever tried to sleep in the summer with gloves taped to your hands?

Actually the more I think about this the more I think I need to talk to my mother about her parenting ideas. We even have a picture of me in our family album of the time I got bit by a mosquito on my eyelid, I look like I was in a bar fight at the age of four.

So I have this love hate thing with DEET. I hate the smell of it, and it tastes worse but after a while your lips and tongue go numb so you can’t really taste it anymore anyways. I figure if I have neurological damage it isn’t from all the drugs I did as a teen, it is from all the DEET my mom made me eat as a kid.

Obviously I am on a rant about DEET. Why? Because I went hiking up to a lake and forgot to take it. And now I am trying to distract myself from ripping the skin off my elbows by writing this post. Both elbows have three bites each. Really, my elbows? I have about another ten bites on my back and shoulders but the ones on my elbows are the worst.

Benadryl cream helps but for the next week I will find myself mindlessly scratching myself. I look like my dog. Well at least it is better than the time I got bit on the inside of my thigh. Got a lot of strange looks then!

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15 thoughts on “DEET tastes like shit

  1. I would love to know, what makes “us” sweet folk more appealing than the rest of the population… Me and my Grandpa get eaten alive while everyone else that is with us has NOTHING…. it is damned annoying…

  2. DS,
    Fuck bugs, by all means necessary, even if it means DEET.
    Le Clown
    PS: “Fuck”, not in the pleasant sense of the term.

  3. The mosquito swarms at the inlet in Cairns are just as bad. When we go fishing there I have to put something over my mouth otherwise I breathe them in! Yuck! You really have to lather yourself in this stuff because if you miss a piece of skin the size of a pinhead on any part of your body they’re swordfighting with each other to get to it! 🙂

  4. My mother the DEET

    My mother the DEET
    Just couldn’t be beat
    on those Spring and Summer days
    When the ‘skeeters so fine
    would fly in and dine
    on my flesh and be eager to stay.
    I would itch and twitch
    and conjure like a witch
    and try scratching the bites away.
    But that would only make worse
    their evil curse
    brought on by these biters’ ways.

    I still use it now
    so I won’t be cowed
    when those bloodsuckers come my way.
    If only the taste
    would not make my face
    twist up and turn my spit to clay.

    Bo, oh no, you say
    that’s not the way
    to apply this wonderful DEET.
    It is not a delicacy —
    plain, fried or fricasseed —
    so from my meals it should retreat.
    But it’s hard to apply
    to my skin, though I try,
    with these bags taped to my hands and feet.

    8888

    I will add this to my blog, but thought I would post it here as well.

  5. What I want to know is how it can be August 5th at 6 AM when I made my last post? Where I am, it is only August 4th at 9 PM and I am in the Eastern Time Zone and Washington State is in the Pacific Time Zone, 3 hours behind mine and not 9 hours ahead. Methinks there is something screwy in the port city. 😉

    • I think it has something to do with where WordPress is hosted. I often see things time stamped for the day ahead of me. That or this is a wonderful time machine. You are talking to the future me, good to know I survive the night.

  6. This post reminds me of something I heard this summer (besides the fact that mosquitos are taking over my backyard as well as the surface area of my legs). I was at a Gifted and Talented conference for teachers this summer, and the speaker told us that most G/T students have serious aversions to bug spray (the smell, the taste, etc). An odd generalization, as I would extend that generalization to the entire population of the planet Earth. However, if I were you, I would run with it, and tell all of your friends that you are officially a genius and insist that they start treating you differently.

    • *snort* All my friends already know to treat me differently because I’m special! But I love to have these random bits of knowledge to spout just in case one of them starts to forget it.

  7. Pingback: Today’s search term | ephemeral filaments

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