I chose not to have children. I knew from a very young age I did not want to be a parent.
And to all those people out there that told me “Oh you’ll change your mind”, I’d like to say Kiss my Ass!
I never had kids and I have never regretted it. I also sleep a lot. And I have nice shoes. And a lot of other nice toys!
Selfish? Yeah but no more than someone who had kids. Really is the world going to come to a screeching halt because your genes do not live on?
I really don’t like children. I have never looked at a baby and gone “Awhhhhh, how cute/sweet/adorable. I want one.” Nope. Puppies yes; kids no. If anything I look at those red, scrunchy, sticky, smooshed up faces and think “That thing looks like an ugly monkey and why is it’s head pointy and god I hope it grows into those ears.” I really don’t think I have any maternal instinct in me.
Now when they grow up a bit and develop a sense of humor, I will warm up to them a bit, usually around the age of 24 or 25 do I begin to find them tolerable. There are a few exceptions to the rule, three to be exact. The rest I just ignore or put up with because their parents would beat me up if I smothered them.
I actually think about smothering them a lot. They never shut up and once they learn to talk it is worse. “No I am not interested in looking at your dirt encrusted booger. And do not touch my toys. Those are mine. Get your dirty, boogery fingers off my stuff and shut up.”
I know I am a curmudgeon but those voices are like nails on a chalkboard. And they repeat themselves, you’d think they had been sneaking into the scotch. And how come their parents can’t hear them say “Mom, mom, mom, look, look, look, look, mom, mom, mom….” for the forty seventh time? I have actually turned around in a restaurant and said “Answer the kid.”
In my defense it was a very nice restaurant. Believe it or not I have actually become slightly more tolerable of the little darlings. Mostly it is because I am able to avoid places that I know they will be. Why do people take their small, ill mannered children into really nice restaurants and then let them run amok? Hey if I go into a fast food place I know what I am getting into and just try and get in and out without stepping on one of them as they push on my legs and run past me screaming. Another reason to avoid fast food.
I will admit babies are smart, they know I am not a good person. Every time I have had one shoved at me and I had to hold it, the kid immediately senses danger and starts to scream.
Now if someone is foolish enough to make me talk to or watch an older child I like to tell them the truth. It is amazing how well that works on keeping kids away. For some reason parents aren’t too keen on having their children around someone that tells the truth.
The world is probably a better place without me having kids. I can just imagine the spawn I would have. My mother kept telling me someday I would have kids just like me, hey I’m not stupid, why would I want to do that?