Search terms going commando

I love it when people do posts about their blog’s strange and funny search terms.

Going commando is always at the top of mine. I love you people, keeping it classy!

Some of my favorites are:

  1. put my combat boots on and go commando ~I think I might have to do more commanding posts, they seem to be popular.
  2. stress relieving by using filament ~No I don’t recommend this. Use a sock or something.
  3. ass tights ~OK might be related to the commando thing, I think I’ll take this as a compliment.
  4. “short men” ~The quotations are not mine. Not a clue, personally I like tall men.
  5. chickens dying in a nice way ~Please don’t call PETA.
  6. butt pad diaper ~Uhm, well there is a definite maybe a trend here.
  7. cycling long tights instead of shaving ~Yeah I hate shaving too.
  8. drag queen leg shaving ~All right maybe a shaving thing too. Do I post about shaving a lot? Funny because I don’t do it much.
  9. she spit no floor told me to clean it?
  10. ephemerol flu vaccine ~Yeah and get tested too while you’re at it.
  11. yes i am a bitch, just not yours ~I love this one. Maybe this should be my motto! 

So have you ever gone and looked at your search engine terms? What is the weirdest thing that you seen? The funniest?

I also get a lot of Demi Moore/pixie haircut, but that is boring.


Curves ahead

I have been thinking about making some major changes to my life.

I’d love to just do it. You know Poof and it is done, but life doesn’t usually work that way. I have been known to pull off some big changes like that.

Or at least to others it seems like that is what I did. But the reality is a little different, there was a lot going on for a long time behind the scenes.

So once again I am thinking about turning my life upside down. That means doing a lot of work again. It also means taking some chances. Doing things that might have consequences. It hopefully will work out; I will end up in a better space than I am now but…..

Not all my choices have worked out but ultimately they have taught me something important. I am in my mid forties now, how many more chances am I going to take? Well I don’t know, but hopefully this isn’t the last one. Seriously when you start living too cautiously are you really still living?

This is the pep talk I give myself when I am contemplating doing something that frightens the shit out of me. Ah what the hell is the worse thing that can happen? Ah you should see me grinning right now, and it isn’t a smile of happiness more like a sardonic grimace. Well I have seen bad and I have seen worse. I’m still here to talk about it.

It is funny, I hate change and yet I thrive on it. I’ve confided in some people about my plans and they all agree it is a big chance but urge me to do it. I need to be challenged or I just don’t feel like I’m alive.

Using the word hopeful quite often in this post.

It is official

The holiday season has officially started. Harumph.

I don’t remember when I started to dislike them. But I do. There has been some improvement, I don’t despise them anymore. Now days I just try to get through them with the minimal amount of teeth grinding. Some years more successfully than others.

I think I have to log off F***book soon. Last year I got a little rabid as the angry atheist and this year I have vowed to not respond to all the put christ back in christmas shit. I swear this is the least christian time of the year. Absolutely no tolerance for other beliefs, as if the dead of winter is their time and their’s alone. Of course completely ignoring that there have been religions and rituals that predate theirs hundreds if not thousands of years. See? Just get me started and I don’t stop.

Anywhoos there are things I do like about this time of year. The food is good. Some of the decorations are amazing and pretty. When we do get a sunny day in the Northwest it is so bright and clear it almost hurts the eyes. It is like the weather is trying to cram in all the light we didn’t get in the previous three weeks. By the way we aren’t having one of those days but we could really use one!

Other things I hate dislike about christmas, the music, other than possibly some of the classical stuff, if I hear the little drummer boy I think I will kill someone. Children are even more whacked this time of the year and as if parents weren’t overly permissive these days; it really gets obnoxious this time of the year. With the recent spat of s&m novels being read this year I think we should consider giving and using ball gags on kids.

I almost never go to the mall, I can and do go years without stepping in one. But suddenly this time of the year I have some desire to go to the one near by and then I remember that it will be filled with people (and un-gagged children). So I don’t go but it annoys me. Strangely enough this desire goes away around Jan 3rd. It is a good thing that I refrain from going because it is almost guaranteed that I would hear the little drummer boy and go on a killing spree.

Seriously this is creepy looking! Like horror movie creepy.

So happy holidays, kwanzaa, hanukkah, yule, solstice, yalda, boxing day, new years, hogmanay or whatever floats your boat!

I am off to eat at a restaurant with friends. No I won’t be having turkey, doing that this Sunday with other friends. Like I said the food is good. If I stuff myself into oblivion I won’t have the energy to cause mayhem.

Riding in the rain

I think I’ve made it known I hate riding in the rain, but I took a chance.

I had a good morning, got an A on my math exam. Was feeling kind of lucky so even though there was the threat of rain, I decided to ride into town. There is always rain possible this time of year, the question is how hard, for  how long and when is it going to rain. It doesn’t rain all the time, just most of the time in the winter. An entire day without some form of water coming from the sky is a treat in the winter. One where it is also not overcast sends the natives into frenzies. Here I’ll show you the weather forecast for today.

This is what the forecast will look like for the next four months, at least. Well except it will get colder and they might throw in some snowflakes to freak us out. We don’t do snow very well in case you hadn’t heard.

OK still not sure it rains here a lot? Here is the forecast from the other local channel.

Hmm, I’ll take this one. It has more pictures of the sun, doesn’t mean it will happen but I’m optimistic like that.

So the question wasn’t if it was going to rain but whether I could ride into town and back without getting completely soaked. Ah, nope. It started to drizzle about 3/4 of the way into town, but hey one of the things about living here is if you don’t like the weather wait ten minutes or drive ten miles. This time of the year five is more accurate, as fast as the weather can blow in it can also blow out.

So I did my errand and decided to warm up and get myself a treat. Hoped the rain might stop by the time I had an espresso and a nut tart. Well the weather did change, it went from drizzle to actual rain. I should have known, cause not only did I take a chance it wouldn’t rain on me, I didn’t bother put on waterproof shoes or my rain pants.

By the time I got to the big downhill on my way home, my shoes were so full of water I could feel them slosh on every down-stroke. I literally wrung my socks out when I got home. Now I remember why I don’t like riding in the rain, because I’m an idiot! I have rain gear. I guess if I am going to commit to riding in the winter I’ll just have to get used to riding in pants that feel like plastic. I still haven’t found a pair of gloves that are truly wind and waterproof.

But yes I did get an A on my math exam! And when I finally got to see what I missed on the one before I was able to show that my answer was equivalent to the correct one but the computer didn’t recognize it! So yeah me, I got an A on that one too! Now if I can just not blow it in the next three weeks I will possible pull off an A for this class, at the very least I will get a B. That would make me very happy, because I am signing up for the next class Intermediate Algebra next semester. All right maybe I’m not an idiot but I am certainly not sane, must be all the rain.

I share the same taste in men as my mother.

I do, and this can be a very bad thing.

The background, yes I have daddy issues, so what? I have always been attracted to older men, men old enough to be my father at times. And being my mother’s daughter I often am attracted to the same type of men she is. Wouldn’t be such a big deal except that we lived in the same small town for twenty years.

Here is where I learned to always run my choice in men by my mother first. Sounds kinda weird and sick? Well how does finding out you slept with someone your mother slept with sound? I think I’d rather clear my dates with my mom, aggravating as that can be as an adult, then find that out afterwards. Ehwww gross.

So a long time ago I had a male client and I found him attractive. I knew the feeling was mutual. We flirted and bantered when I cut his hair. This went on for a while but I think he was afraid to ask me out because I was twenty some years younger than him and the same age as some of his kids. I liked him and decided that I’d just have to do the asking.

Well before that happened, thank god, I mentioned this to my mom one day as we were driving.

Mom “So what is his name?”

Me “His name is Gary Bloomfield.” * pseudonym to annoy the gossip harpies

Mom “Oh I knew him.”

Oh shit! I knew exactly what she was saying! My mother has been single most of my life and I grew up with her dating, hence the problem of us liking the same kind of male. But I don’t ever remember GB being around and I would have.

Me “What the hell? When? How come I don’t know this? He wasn’t one of your boyfriends.”

Well to get to the point and keep this post from turning into a novella. He wasn’t one of her boyfriends but during a wild period in her life (which consisted of most of her thirties) they had, shall we say, a clandestine and torrid affair while both of them were involved with someone else.

She said with an evil gleam in her eye “You should tell him I said hi next time you see him.” 

I should tell you my mother and I look a lot alike so I’m not surprised GB was attracted to me. Hey we all have our types. And I do not have the same last name as my mother so that wouldn’t have given away that I was her daughter.

The next hair appointment I say to him, “Hey my mom said to tell you hi.”

GB “Oh, who is your mom?” 

Me, totally deadpan tell him my mother’s name. And I watch this play of emotions go across his face, confusion, realization, horror, embarrassment, sadness, resignation.

GB sighed and said “Oh I used to date your mother.”

Me “No, you two had an affair.”

GB “Does she tell you everything? Well now that you mention it you do look a lot like your mother. How come I didn’t know she had a daughter? You don’t have the same last name as her.”

Me “Yeah we don’t have the same name. You probably didn’t know about me because I had just moved out about the time you and my mom were getting to know each other.”

Twenty years later he is still my client, we have become friends. Needless to say the flirting ended that day.

Also as I have gotten older the men I tend to be attracted to are closer to my own age. The truth is the age of the men I would have dated twenty plus years ago are now the age I am. Good thing I have changed some or I would be trolling the nursing homes for a date. Wheelchairs just aren’t my idea of a hot ride these days.

Made me laugh

One of my clients just left me a voice-mail that made me laugh.

Checked my messages and Bob, an extreme alpha male with a sense of humor, had called.

Hey, Thanksgiving is coming up and I think I need to get my nails done for that. You know paint some turkeys and pumpkins on them. If you can’t fit that in could I just get a haircut?

Maybe something like this?