I share the same taste in men as my mother.

I do, and this can be a very bad thing.

The background, yes I have daddy issues, so what? I have always been attracted to older men, men old enough to be my father at times. And being my mother’s daughter I often am attracted to the same type of men she is. Wouldn’t be such a big deal except that we lived in the same small town for twenty years.

Here is where I learned to always run my choice in men by my mother first. Sounds kinda weird and sick? Well how does finding out you slept with someone your mother slept with sound? I think I’d rather clear my dates with my mom, aggravating as that can be as an adult, then find that out afterwards. Ehwww gross.

So a long time ago I had a male client and I found him attractive. I knew the feeling was mutual. We flirted and bantered when I cut his hair. This went on for a while but I think he was afraid to ask me out because I was twenty some years younger than him and the same age as some of his kids. I liked him and decided that I’d just have to do the asking.

Well before that happened, thank god, I mentioned this to my mom one day as we were driving.

Mom “So what is his name?”

Me “His name is Gary Bloomfield.” * pseudonym to annoy the gossip harpies

Mom “Oh I knew him.”

Oh shit! I knew exactly what she was saying! My mother has been single most of my life and I grew up with her dating, hence the problem of us liking the same kind of male. But I don’t ever remember GB being around and I would have.

Me “What the hell? When? How come I don’t know this? He wasn’t one of your boyfriends.”

Well to get to the point and keep this post from turning into a novella. He wasn’t one of her boyfriends but during a wild period in her life (which consisted of most of her thirties) they had, shall we say, a clandestine and torrid affair while both of them were involved with someone else.

She said with an evil gleam in her eye “You should tell him I said hi next time you see him.” 

I should tell you my mother and I look a lot alike so I’m not surprised GB was attracted to me. Hey we all have our types. And I do not have the same last name as my mother so that wouldn’t have given away that I was her daughter.

The next hair appointment I say to him, “Hey my mom said to tell you hi.”

GB “Oh, who is your mom?” 

Me, totally deadpan tell him my mother’s name. And I watch this play of emotions go across his face, confusion, realization, horror, embarrassment, sadness, resignation.

GB sighed and said “Oh I used to date your mother.”

Me “No, you two had an affair.”

GB “Does she tell you everything? Well now that you mention it you do look a lot like your mother. How come I didn’t know she had a daughter? You don’t have the same last name as her.”

Me “Yeah we don’t have the same name. You probably didn’t know about me because I had just moved out about the time you and my mom were getting to know each other.”

Twenty years later he is still my client, we have become friends. Needless to say the flirting ended that day.

Also as I have gotten older the men I tend to be attracted to are closer to my own age. The truth is the age of the men I would have dated twenty plus years ago are now the age I am. Good thing I have changed some or I would be trolling the nursing homes for a date. Wheelchairs just aren’t my idea of a hot ride these days.

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15 thoughts on “I share the same taste in men as my mother.

  1. I especially love the last line of this post! I used to love older men too when I was much younger. I had my dad around and he was a great influence on me so — don’t know where it comes from.

    • While it might be a man’s dream to sleep with a mother and daughter, and god knows enough porn had been made about it, it completely freaked me out to think it could have happened! I became very careful after that. But as my mom reminded me if I would just date men my own age this wouldn’t be a problem! She never was the cradle robber type. Cradle robber pre cougar slang!

  2. At this point in time, the average age difference between me & the men I’ve dated is about 17 years (them being older). Don’t think I’ve ever been out with anyone younger than me. One of my friends says that ideally, for the relationship to work, the man needs to be at least 10 years older than the woman. I say “go with what works for you”. And if that means checking out with your mother if she’s dated the bloke first, then it’s probably a good idea! I’m glad you’re able to be friends with your client, that would have just been too awkward if he’d decided to go to another stylist!

    • Like you I don’t think there is an ideal age gap. I have had a few dates with men younger than me but they are really in a different stage in life. I always knew children weren’t part of the picture for me so if I’m going to be serious about someone they needed to have had children already or at least had enough experiences to know they didn’t want them either. Examining your values is not high on a young man’s list of things to do!

      • I’m not sure it’s high on the list of some older men, either. Before I came to community, I was in the horrible situation where a chap from church – who was in the choir with me, and he was in the choir because his wife was also in the choir – thought I shouldn’t go test my vocation to the Religious Life but should stay put and be his bit on the side. His wife took this as the opportunity she had been looking for to get out and did so, and their kids went with her. I’d actually asked him straight out one day if he would leave her and he said no. My reply was then that he should get a grip and leave me alone because he’s married. That was clearly still too subtly put! I ended up resorting to threatening him with the police if he didn’t leave me alone and stop coming to my flat. I’m now in the situation where as much as I’d like to go visit my old church, I really don’t want to go because I know he’ll be there.

        • Yeah a lot of men don’t get it together. But when I was young they did seem to have a better idea of what they wanted (sounds like your stalker knew what he wanted :P). Of course this was and still is all relative!
          I am sorry that you can’t go to your old church because of this, life just isn’t fair, seems like he should be the one that pays the price. Do you have anyone that knows this guy and could let you know when he is on vacation/gone or such so that you could go then and enjoy it without worrying about running into him?

          • There are a couple of folks I could ask, but I know one of them would turn round and tell me to get a grip and get over it (so I guess I won’t be asking her). Or I might just go mid-week instead and arrange to see a smaller group of people. It partly depends on what my family want to do while I’m “home”.

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